Being a mother makes me want to kill my dog. Well, I don’t actually want to end his life, but maybe I can let him outside and just not let him back in. He’s cute, he’ll find a new family.
Before my daughter was born, my Black Lab was my baby. I’d take him for walks, watch with satisfaction while he ate his expensive dog food, and let him cuddle with me in bed.
Now that there’s a real baby in the house, the poor dog is lower than the last man on the totem pole. We buy him whatever food is cheapest at Walmart and he watches from the front window when I take the baby for walks instead of him. I’m not one of those amazing moms that can juggle a stroller and a dog leash at the same time — we’d all get dragged into oncoming traffic.
Here’s 10 reasons why I want to kill my dog:
- He RUINS naptime by barking at wild turkeys, neighbors, the ice maker…
- His tail inadvertently smacks my daughter in her face and eyes
- He covers my daughter’s toys, lips and highchair in dog hair. You can actually watch it fall off of him when he walks by. If I go long enough without vacuuming, I could sweep it up and start a toupee shop.
- He knocks my kid over
- He makes my area rugs stink, which my daughter plays on. He also makes the vacuum stink.
- The prophecy is true — I am the only one who takes care of him
- He steals Gerber biscuits right out of my daughter’s hand
- My daughter chews his yucky dog bones
- He has been known to bring ticks into the house
- My daughter thinks his water bowl is a toy. She drops electronics in it like the television remote.
I already got rid of the cat right before my baby was born. (Dusty was a biter.) But as much as I gripe about my pooch, I regrettably can’t give him to you. His stinking, barking, butt-smelling face is a part of our family, and he’s good with the kid. However, he is available for sleepovers.
Does your pet do anything that drives you CRAZY now that you’re a parent? Leave a comment!