10 Reasons Why Being a Mother Makes Me Want to Kill My Dog

baby and dog best friends

Being a mother makes me want to kill my dog. Well, I don’t actually want to end his life, but maybe I can let him outside and just not let him back in. He’s cute, he’ll find a new family.

Before my daughter was born, my Black Lab was my baby. I’d take him for walks, watch with satisfaction while he ate his expensive dog food, and let him cuddle with me in bed.

Now that there’s a real baby in the house, the poor dog is lower than the last man on the totem pole. We buy him whatever food is cheapest at Walmart and he watches from the front window when I take the baby for walks instead of him. I’m not one of those amazing moms that can juggle a stroller and a dog leash at the same time — we’d all get dragged into oncoming traffic.

Here’s 10 reasons why I want to kill my dog:

  1. He RUINS naptime by barking at wild turkeys, neighbors, the ice maker…
  2. His tail inadvertently smacks my daughter in her face and eyes
  3. He covers my daughter’s toys, lips and highchair in dog hair. You can actually watch it fall off of him when he walks by. If I go long enough without vacuuming, I could sweep it up and start a toupee shop.
  4. He knocks my kid over
  5. He makes my area rugs stink, which my daughter plays on. He also makes the vacuum stink.
  6. The prophecy is true — I am the only one who takes care of him
  7. He steals Gerber biscuits right out of my daughter’s hand
  8. My daughter chews his yucky dog bones
  9. He has been known to bring ticks into the house
  10. My daughter thinks his water bowl is a toy. She drops electronics in it like the television remote.

I already got rid of the cat right before my baby was born. (Dusty was a biter.) But as much as I gripe about my pooch, I regrettably can’t give him to you. His stinking, barking, butt-smelling face is a part of our family, and he’s good with the kid. However, he is available for sleepovers.

Does your pet do anything that drives you CRAZY now that you’re a parent? Leave a comment!

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6 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Being a Mother Makes Me Want to Kill My Dog

  1. Deborah the Closet Monster says:

    My dog used to be super well behaved, but that’s not the case now that I have a four-year-old and our training is bimonthly instead of daily. *cough*

    He, too, likes to bark at leaves and shadows during naptime, but I think that’s about it for the badness now . . . well, apart from pulling on our walks, which is not so super now that I’m six months pregnant.

    Fortunately, he’s super sweet with my son and my son adores him, so the more my son plays with him . . . the better it is for all! Though like you I sometimes want to not let him back in the house, he’s going to keep on having a place as long as we have a house. L(

  2. Janna says:

    I have two cats and two dogs, and although they are and always will be members of my family, we probably wouldn’t have taken them all on if we had any idea what it was going to be like when the 3 kids came along. Our years in the townhouse were particularly tough.

    I have many of the same problems, but there are some upsides as well. My kids know that most of the time, if they eat anywhere but at the table, they’re going to have to defend their food. I always know if a solicitor (or really anyone at all) is coming to the door.

  3. Pingback: Zero to Hero: Day 12 | Complexity Through Joy

  4. Mommy Blogga says:

    Deborah– props to you for still going on walks!

  5. Kirakira says:

    Kill your dog? No. That is selfish and generally horrible.
    You’re not clever, or funny.

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